Festivals and dating: sharing the days that matter to you

Festivals are when culture and faith are most visible, and when family matters most. They're also when a new relationship gets tested: you're busy, your phone is full of relatives, and someone at the table will ask whether you're seeing anyone. Here's how to date around the big ones, and how to share them when the time is right.

They are not niche dates in the calendar. In the 2021 census, about 3.9 million people in England and Wales described themselves as Muslim, 1 million as Hindu, 524,000 as Sikh and 271,000 as Jewish, alongside the Christian majority and growing numbers with no religion who still keep family traditions.

Why do festival dates change every year?

Many festivals follow a lunar or lunisolar calendar, so their date in the ordinary (Gregorian) calendar moves. The Islamic calendar is purely lunar, so Ramadan and both Eids start about 11 days earlier each year. Diwali, Lunar New Year, Vaisakhi, Pesach and Easter follow calendars that are tied back to the seasons, so they shift by days or weeks but stay in roughly the same part of the year.

Your local mosque, mandir, gurdwara, synagogue or church publishes dates for its own community, and Ramadan and Eid can depend on the sighting of the new moon, so a date may only be confirmed the evening before.

The main festivals at a glance

The table shows typical seasons only. Check this year's dates with your partner or their community before you book anything.

Dating during Ramadan

Ramadan is the month in which many Muslims fast from dawn until sunset, with no food or drink, including water. Evenings revolve around iftar (the meal that breaks the fast) and, for many, taraweeh prayers at the mosque. The last ten nights are especially important, and the month ends with Eid al-Fitr.

Some Muslims pause dating for the month to focus on faith; others keep seeing people. If you're dating someone who is fasting:

• Skip daytime coffee and lunch dates. Suggest meeting just before sunset and breaking the fast together, at a restaurant, a community open iftar, or with dates and water on a walk.
• Expect lower energy in the day and late nights. Short messages aren't a sign of losing interest.
• Be flexible about evenings if they're going to the mosque.
• Ask once whether they mind you eating in front of them. Most won't, but it's kind to ask.
• Don't treat it as a hardship to fix. For many people Ramadan is the best month of the year.

If you're the one fasting, say so before suggesting a plan. Example message: "I'm fasting this month, so daytime coffee is out. Fancy breaking the fast together on Thursday? I know a good place." Someone who adapts happily is showing you something useful.

Diwali, and the Navratri and Durga Puja season

Diwali, the festival of lights, is celebrated by Hindus, Sikhs (who mark Bandi Chhor Divas on the same day), Jains and some Buddhists. It usually falls in October or November and means lamps, sweets, new clothes, visits to family and friends, and often fireworks.

In the weeks before, many Gujarati communities hold Navratri garba and dandiya nights, and many Bengali communities celebrate Durga Puja. These are big social events where plenty of people first meet, and a good, low-pressure first outing if you're curious about each other's culture.

Being invited to a family Diwali is a meaningful step. Bring a box of sweets, dress smartly, and greet older relatives respectfully; ask your partner how their family does it.

Vaisakhi

Vaisakhi, usually on 13 or 14 April, marks the Sikh new year and the founding of the Khalsa. Many Sikh communities hold nagar kirtan processions, and gurdwaras serve langar, a free communal meal, to everyone who comes. If you're dating a Sikh partner, joining them at a nagar kirtan or helping with langar is a warm way to share the day. Cover your head and remove your shoes in the gurdwara.

Christmas, Easter and Lent

For many Christian families Christmas means church as well as presents. Many Polish and Latin American families hold their main celebration on Christmas Eve, and many Orthodox Christians celebrate Christmas on 7 January and Easter on a different Sunday from Western churches. Some Christians give something up for Lent, such as alcohol or meat, which can change what a date looks like for six weeks.

If you're splitting time between two families, agree the plan well before December. "Christmas Eve with mine, Christmas Day with yours, swap next year" is a common compromise.

Lunar New Year

Lunar New Year usually falls between late January and mid-February and is celebrated by Chinese, Vietnamese (Tết), Korean (Seollal) and other communities. It centres on the reunion dinner, visits to elders and red envelopes of money for children and unmarried relatives.

Bringing a partner home for the new year dinner is often a clear statement that it's serious. If you're the guest, bring good fruit such as oranges or tangerines, or a gift for the household. Some gifts are associated with bad luck in some families, so ask your partner what to avoid rather than guess.

Jewish festivals and Shabbat

Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur in early autumn, Sukkot straight after, Hanukkah in winter and Pesach in spring all shape the Jewish year, and Shabbat comes every week from Friday sunset to Saturday nightfall. On Yom Kippur many Jews fast for about 25 hours. During Pesach, observant families clear their homes of leavened food and hold seders with family.

If you're dating someone observant, don't plan dates on Shabbat or festival days without asking. An invitation to a Friday night dinner or a seder is a warm welcome; follow your host's lead on blessings and food.

Greetings to learn

A greeting in the right words goes a long way with a partner's family. These are widely used, but families differ, so check with your partner first.

Sharing your festivals with someone new

The best way to share a festival is in stages: a public event first, a family meal later, and a clear briefing before each.

1. Explain what it means to you, not just what happens. "Diwali is the one time my whole family is in one house" tells a partner how to behave.
2. Start small. A community event, a mela or an open iftar before a family dinner.
3. Brief them on clothes, gifts, greetings and food. Our guide to introducing a partner to your family has a checklist, and planning around halal, kosher, vegetarian or alcohol-free choices helps with the meal.
4. Don't expect them to take part in worship. Inviting them to watch and share the meal is enough.
5. Ask about theirs in return. A relationship where only one person's calendar counts gets lopsided fast.

When festivals clash, or one of you doesn't celebrate

In some years Ramadan, Lent and Pesach overlap, or Diwali lands on the same weekend as a family wedding. Decide together which days are fixed for each of you and which can move. If one of you isn't religious, family traditions may still matter a great deal; "not religious" rarely means "doesn't care about Christmas dinner".

For couples who'll keep two sets of festivals for good, our guides to interfaith relationships and raising children across two cultures and faiths cover the longer-term questions, and talking about religion in the first few dates helps you raise it early. Festival seasons also bring some of the busiest community socials of the year; finding culture and faith singles events explains where to look.