Meeting your partner's family in Latin America for the first time

Latin America is more than twenty countries, and a family lunch in Monterrey is a different thing from one in Montevideo, Medellín or Salvador. A family in a big city may be more relaxed than one in a small town, and grandparents are often more formal than parents. So the most useful thing you can do is ask your partner a lot of questions before you go. Below is what to ask, and what tends to hold true across much of the region.

What should I ask my partner before I go?

Ask who you'll meet, how religious the family is, where you'll sleep and what to call people. Those four answers prevent most awkward moments.

• Who will be there? "Meeting my parents" can mean forty people at a Sunday lunch. Ask for names, who's who, and who matters most to win over (it is often a grandmother).
• How religious is the family? Grace before meals, Sunday Mass or an evangelical service, a saint's day. You don't need to share the faith, but you should know what to expect and whether you'll be invited along.
• Where will we sleep? In many families unmarried couples are given separate rooms, especially in the parents' or grandparents' house. Find out now, not at 11pm with your suitcase in the hall.
• What do I call people? Señor and Señora, Don and Doña with a first name for older relatives, or tío and tía for close family friends. In Brazil, o senhor and a senhora.
• Does anyone speak English? If not, which phrases should you learn first?
• Is there anything I shouldn't mention? Politics, a family rift, an ex.
• What do they already know about me? Your job, your faith, whether you've been married before. Better to know what's been said than to contradict it by accident.

Greetings and the first hour

Greet every person in the room individually, including children and the elderly relative in the corner, and do the same when you leave. In much of Latin America a quick goodbye to the room can come across as cold, and leaving takes longer than you think.

The greeting itself varies. A single kiss on the right cheek is common between women and between men and women in many countries. In Argentina and Uruguay men often greet male family and friends with a kiss as well. In Brazil the number of kisses differs by region. In more formal or rural families, a handshake may come first. Watch your partner and let the other person lead.

Use usted (the formal "you") with parents and grandparents, or o senhor and a senhora in Portuguese, until they tell you to use tú, or vos in Argentina, Uruguay and parts of Central America. Being invited to drop the formality is a good sign.

A few phrases worth learning

A handful of phrases used warmly earns more goodwill than you'd expect. These are standard forms; ask your partner which ones their family actually uses.

Don't worry about mistakes; trying is what matters. If your partner ends up translating everything, agree in advance when they'll step in and when they'll let you muddle through. Our guide to bilingual relationships when one family speaks mostly Spanish goes further.

Food: eat, accept seconds, stay at the table

Meals are where you'll be judged most kindly, and most closely.

• Eat what you're given, and praise it. If you have a dietary need, faith-based or medical, let your partner explain in advance so the cook isn't caught out. Our guide to planning around halal, kosher, vegetarian or alcohol-free choices has tips that work for family meals too.
• Expect long meals. A Sunday asado in Argentina or Uruguay can last all afternoon. In Mexico the main meal is often in the early afternoon; in Chile, la once is an evening tea with bread and something savoury.
• Stay for the sobremesa. The sobremesa is the unhurried talk at the table after a meal. Getting up straight after eating can look as though you're keen to leave.
• Offer to help clear up. You may be refused. Offer anyway.
• Pace yourself with drinks. If a toast comes round and you don't drink, a glass of something soft raised with everyone else is fine.

Gifts and small courtesies

Bring something from where you live: good tea, biscuits, chocolate, a local speciality or something your town is known for. If there are children, a small present for them goes a long way. Ask your partner before bringing flowers, as some are associated with funerals or with particular festivals in some countries.

Dress a little smarter than you think you need to, especially for church or a first lunch with grandparents.

Faith and family occasions

You may be invited to Mass, a baptism, a first communion or a quinceañera, a girl's fifteenth-birthday celebration that is a major family event in many countries. Going along respectfully is usually appreciated even if it isn't your faith. You don't have to take part in anything you're not comfortable with, such as receiving communion, but sit and stand with everyone else.

Being asked to be a padrino or madrina, a godparent or sponsor, is an honour and a real commitment, so talk it through with your partner before saying yes. For more on dating across faiths, read interfaith relationships: questions to talk through early.

Being a couple in front of the family

Many families are warm and physical, but hold back on affection in front of grandparents until you've read the room. Expect questions about your job, your family, your intentions and, sooner or later, children. Answer honestly and with good humour. It is curiosity and care more often than an interrogation.

When a moment goes wrong

Most awkward moments pass quickly if you stay warm and let your partner smooth things over. A few that come up often, and what tends to help:

• A question you'd rather not answer. Smile, give a short honest answer, and look to your partner. Agree a signal beforehand for "please rescue me".
• A relative who seems cool towards you. Some people take longer to warm up, especially if they worry about a family member moving abroad. Keep being friendly; don't try to win them over in one afternoon.
• A comment about your country, faith or background. Assume curiosity first. If it's genuinely hurtful, let your partner deal with it in private rather than turning it into a scene at the table.
• Feeling overwhelmed. A short walk, an early night or an hour alone is fine. Your partner can explain it kindly.

If you're the one bringing a partner home

The visit works best when you prepare both sides. Tell your family about your partner's background, any dietary or faith needs, and whether they speak Spanish or Portuguese. Tell your partner who everyone is and what they'll be asked. During the visit, check in with them privately once a day, translate tone as well as words, and step in when a question goes too far. Our guide to introducing a partner to your family covers the conversation with parents in more depth.

Practical checks before you book

Read the official travel advice for the country before you book and again before you fly: GOV.UK foreign travel advice in the UK, or the US State Department in the US. It covers entry requirements, safety and local laws, which differ from country to country and can change. US citizens can also sign up to the State Department's Smart Traveler Enrollment Program to receive alerts from the nearest US embassy.

• Health: check the country page on TravelHealthPro (UK) or CDC Travelers' Health (US) well before you travel, in case vaccinations are recommended.
• Insurance: get travel insurance that covers medical treatment for the whole trip.
• Documents: keep a copy of your passport separate from the original.
• Longer stays: if you're staying for months rather than weeks, check the visa rules for your passport rather than assuming a tourist stay is enough. Our guide to long-distance relationships across countries covers the bigger questions.

If you met your partner online and haven't yet met in person, be cautious of anyone who asks you to pay for flights, visas or a family emergency before you've met. The FTC's advice is never to send money to someone you haven't met in person. Our guide to romance scams that target diaspora communities explains the patterns, and our safety page covers how to report a profile.

More guides for Latin American singles are in our Latin section.