Writing a profile that says you're serious

Most dating profiles are written to avoid putting anyone off. That's the problem. A profile that could belong to anyone attracts anyone, including the people who are attached, bored or just collecting compliments.

A profile that says you're serious works the other way. It's specific enough that the right person recognises themselves in it, and clear enough that the wrong ones move on. Here's how to write one.

Start with what you want

Before you write a word about yourself, decide what you're looking for and say it in one plain sentence. For example:

"I'm looking for a relationship: someone to build a life with, not a pen pal."

"Single for a year, properly ready now, and hoping to meet someone who wants the same."

This is the line that does the filtering. People who want something casual will skip you, and that's the point. Our guide to saying what you want has more ways to put it.

Write about your actual life

Adjectives tell people nothing. Specifics give them something to reply to.

Three or four short paragraphs is plenty: what your days look like, what you love doing, what you're looking for. Write it the way you'd talk to a friend's friend at a party.

Be clear about the things that matter

The profile has fields for children, smoking, drinking, religion and languages. Fill them in honestly, even the ones you think count against you. Someone who wants children and someone who doesn't will both save time.

If something will come up early (you have kids at home every other week, you work nights, you're recently divorced), mention it lightly. "Divorced, on good terms, and ready to meet someone new" reads as grown-up, not as baggage.

Photos that back up the words

Every photo on Just Singles is reviewed before it goes live. Beyond that, the photos that work best are the honest ones:

1. A recent, clear photo of your face first. No sunglasses, no group.
2. One full-length photo.
3. One doing something you actually do.
4. Nothing older than two years, and nothing that needs explaining.

Leave out photos of children, exes cropped out at the edge, and anything you wouldn't want a stranger to keep.

Add the badge

The ID check is optional. It matches your photo ID to a live selfie and adds an ID-checked badge to your profile. People who've been burned by fake profiles notice it. It doesn't replace good writing, but it backs it up.

What to leave out

• Lists of demands. "No time-wasters, no drama, must be over 5'10"." It reads as bitter, even when it isn't.
• Complaints about dating apps, exes or men and women in general.
• Personal details: surname, workplace, street, children's names or school. The FTC advises being careful with how much personal information you share with someone you've only met online.
• Anything you'd have to walk back on a first date. If you're not really a marathon runner, don't imply it.

An example profile

Here's an example to show the shape. It isn't a real member.

"I'm 41, a physio in Bristol, and I've been single long enough to know what I want: a proper relationship with someone kind, curious and up for a weekend walk that ends in a pub.

Weekdays are work, the gym (reluctantly) and cooking things from a book I'm slowly working through. Weekends I'm either outside or at my sister's, being beaten at board games by my nephews.

I don't have children and I'd be open to a partner who does. Non-smoker, social drinker.

If you've read this far and you're single and looking too, say hello and tell me the best thing you've eaten this month."

It has a clear opening line about what they want, real specifics, the practical facts and an easy question to answer. That last line matters: it makes the first message easy. Our guide to first messages that get replies explains why.

Lines for common situations

Some situations are worth mentioning lightly so the right people aren't surprised later. Example lines you can adapt:

Each line is honest, short and gives someone something to respond to.

Mistakes that look like red flags

Some common profile habits accidentally send the wrong signal to people who are serious:

• No clear face photo. Reads as hiding, whatever the reason.
• Only group photos. People have to guess which one is you.
• A blank or one-line profile. Looks like someone who isn't really looking.
• Anger at the opposite sex. "Sick of game players" tells people you're still cross, not that you're ready.
• Talk of an ex. Even a joke about one suggests they're still on your mind.

If you're not sure how your profile reads, ask a friend who'll be honest.

Read it back

Before you publish, read your profile out loud. If it sounds like you, it's done. If it sounds like a job application, cut the adjectives and add one more real detail.

Then look around for free, and update it when you learn what people respond to. A profile isn't finished; it's a first draft that gets better. How it works explains what's free and what's paid while you do.