Online dating privacy: open about yourself, careful with the details

Being open is what makes online dating work. People want to know what you do, what you love and what you're looking for. Privacy isn't about being cagey; it's about the difference between who you are and where to find you. You can share plenty of the first while giving away very little of the second until you trust someone.

The simple rule: who, not where

Share freely the things that describe you. Hold back the things that locate you.

Each detail on its own is harmless. The risk is in combining them: a first name, a job title and a photo can usually be matched to a social media profile, and from there to a street. Keeping a few pieces back until you've met someone is enough to make that hard.

Your profile

A good profile is specific about you and vague about your location. A few practical points:

• First name only. Or a nickname you're happy to be called.
• Describe your work, don't name it. "I work in a hospital lab" is warmer and safer than a company name.
• Say your area, not your postcode. A town or part of a city is all a match needs at first.
• No children in photos. Say you have them; don't show them. Our guide to dating as a single parent has more.
• Be honest about what you want. Privacy is about details, not about being guarded. Our guide to writing a profile shows how to be clear without oversharing.

Remember who can see it. On Just Singles, profiles are shared with partner sites in the same network, so members of those sites can also see and message you. Write as if your profile will be read by a lot of people, because it will.

Photos that can't be traced

Photos are where most people give away more than they mean to.

• Use photos that aren't on your social media. A reverse image search can match a dating photo to an Instagram post, a work profile or a club website in seconds.
• Check the background. House numbers, street signs, your car's number plate, a name badge, your office reception, your child's school logo on a jumper.
• Turn off location tagging in your phone's camera settings before you take new photos, so the picture doesn't carry where it was taken.
• No intimate images for people you haven't met. The FBI's sextortion warning advises never sending compromising images to anyone, whoever they say they are. Our guide to sextortion explains why.

Every photo on Just Singles is reviewed before it goes live, which keeps out nudity and other images that break the rules. Review isn't a privacy check, though, so the background is up to you. Our page on how photos are reviewed explains what the check covers.

Messages: stay on the site at first

Keep early conversations inside the members area. It's where you can report and block someone from their profile or the conversation, and it means a match doesn't have your number, your other apps or your email.

Move off the site when you have a reason to trust someone:

1. After a video call, when you've seen they're the person in the photos. Our guide to video calls before meeting explains how to ask.
2. Or after you've met in person somewhere public.

Be wary of anyone who wants to move to another app within a few messages, especially with an excuse about rarely checking the site. It's one of the most common steps in romance scams and sextortion. Our guide to spotting fake profiles covers the rest of the pattern.

When you do share a number, some people prefer to give a messaging app username first rather than a phone number, which is easier to block later if things don't work out.

Before and after the first date

Meeting someone is where privacy and safety overlap.

• Meet somewhere public and get there and back under your own steam, so they don't learn your address from a lift home.
• Tell a friend where you're going and who with.
• Keep your address to yourself for the first few dates.
• Be careful with "check in" posts on social media that announce exactly where you are.

Our first-date safety checklist has the full list.

Lock down your accounts

Your email is the key to almost everything else, because password resets go there. The UK's National Cyber Security Centre recommends turning on 2-step verification, which asks for a second check such as a code or a fingerprint as well as your password. It says that even accounts with strong passwords benefit from it, and it lists email first among the accounts to protect.

• Turn on 2-step verification for your email.
• Use a different password for your dating account than for anything else.
• Never share a login code with anyone, including someone who says they're from the site.

Your social media

Many people look each other up before a first date. That's normal, and it's worth assuming they will. Before you start dating, have a quick look at your own public profiles as a stranger would. Consider making your friends and followers lists private, since blackmailers and stalkers rely on them, and remove posts that show your street or your daily routine.

If someone crosses a line

Occasionally a match finds you somewhere you didn't invite them: your social media, your work, your street. If that happens, don't engage or explain. Block them everywhere, report the profile from inside the members area, and keep screenshots of anything they've sent. If you feel followed or threatened, contact the police: 999 in an emergency in the UK, 911 in the US.

Taking a break or leaving

If you meet someone, or just need time away, you can stop logging in. If you'd rather your profile was gone, go to You › Account and login › Delete my account. Cancelling a paid membership is a separate step from deleting: memberships renew until you cancel them in You › Membership and billing. Our log-in help page explains both.

Privacy done well isn't secrecy. It's giving trust in steps, at the pace someone earns it. Our safety page collects the rest.